Divorce is a hard thing. It is an indescribable pain and sense of lost. You go through grieving stages and your identity is questioned. I believe it is exceptionally hard for christians because when you get married you make that vow before God. I remember feeling like I let God down and my children. I remember feeling lost and like a complete failure. Yet at the same time I felt free.
Divorce puts you on an emotional roller coaster that you can’t get off of. It just turns everything upside down. You become discouraged and you begin to search for the why and mourn what could have been years into the future.
i did everything I knew to do to save my marriage. We went to counselors, we would live apart and try to start slow to work things out. I lost my baby weight, I cut my hair, and poured all I could into him to built him up. But nothing worked. I felt so ashamed that a Christian like me couldn’t save my marriage. I cried myself to sleep so many nights. I am not sure if he even recognized the hurt I carried. I had to come to the realization that when we said I do I was the only one who did.
You see he never was committed. The signs were there before marriage but I chose to ignore them. I believed I could change him, I believed I could bring him up and I believed that my love would change him.
Looking back I can tell you I got married for all the wrong reasons. I got married because I was tired of being lonely. But guess what I was lonelier in my marriage than I ever was as a single person. I realize now that I was asking him to give me something that he wasn’t equipped to give nor did he want to give. I wanted the fantasy of it all and I was willing to put in the work and he wanted freedom.
My advice to any single person who is dating and desiring to be married to please pay attention to the signs. God showed me time and time again that he wasn’t for me but out of desperation I got married anyway. Ask yourself and him or her some questions.
1. Can I imagine tomorrow without this person?
2. What does he or she bring to the table?
3. What is his or her relationship with Christ?
4. What is his or her perception of commitment and marriage?
I also suggest looking at his or her family. How does his parents or relatives view marriage? Do they seem to be faithful people? These are the things to consider beyond your wedding day.
God allowed me to marry my ex and I had to suffer the consequences. I’m still paying for that mistake. I learned a lot about myself and where I was in Christ throughout the entire process.
I’m so much happier as a single person. I love me now more than I love the idea of being a wife or being in love. I have peace and joy and I love life. Because I am a Christian I have made the choice not to date. Don’t misunderstand based on God’s word I had the right to get a divorce because he committed adultery and he left. But a part of me still feel obligated to God for the vow I took on my wedding day. I just don’t have a desire to date. It’s been eight years and the peace I have found in my singleness is priceless.
Take your time entering into marriage. Learn to be in love with yourself first. Be confident in your worth and have standards. Just like you should never grocery shop when you’re hungry because you will put unnecessary items in your cart? Well dating is the same way. Never date when you are desperate. You will end up accepting things today that you will totally regret tomorrow. Learn to spend time with yourself and allow God to mold you into what you need to be in your marriage.
Singleness is not a curse it is a blessing. It gives you time to become your best you. Don’t be anxious for love. There is a top for every pot. Love will find you.
I pray something I have said has encouraged and empowered you. Save yourself years of pain and suffering and just wait in God. His timing is perfect. Wait on God to send the person He created just for you and you will have more than a spouse. You will have a helpmate, a prayer partner, a best friend and peace.